I think going back to Stepping Heavenward (by Elizabeth Prentiss) is what I need. (Again here.) She knows about heartache and struggles, yet never gave up her faith, while questioning what that even means. Without further ado, some quotes from chapter 6.
"If I give myself entirely away to Him and lose all ownership in myself, He may deny me many things I greatly desire. He may make my life hard and wearisome, depriving me of all that now makes it agreeable." But, I reply, this is no matter of parley and discussion; it is not optional with God's children whether they will pay Him a part of the price they owe Him and keep back the rest. He asks, and He has a right to ask, for all you have and all you are. And if you shrink from what is involved in such a surrender, you should fly to Him at once and never rest till He has conquered this secret disinclination to give to Him as freely and as fully as He has given to you.There is much more of this passage that I love, but to avoid copyright trouble, you'll just have to buy it and read the rest yourself. :)
If you find, in the course of daily events, that your self-consecration was not perfect - that is, that your will revolts at His will - do not be discouraged, but fly to your Savior, and stay in His presence till you obtain the spirit in which He cried in His hour of anguish...
There is one thing I can do, and that is to pray that Jesus would do for me what He did for the blind man - put His hands yet again upon my eyes and make me to see clearly. And I will.The story of that blind man is from Mark chapter 8 - which we just read for school yesterday. Love connections like that!