Wednesday with Words: On Keeping Positive

Sometimes, I tend towards the negative way of looking at things. Most days, our son tops me, by far, dragging me down.  We all  know someone like that, either in our family or circle of friends.  Negativity is draining - the opposite of a lightness that uplifts and helps us think on higher, better things.  

If someone is caught in a spiral of negative thinking, what can be done?  The best thing, by far, is to nip it in the bud.  As you see the first storm cloud gathering in your child's face, distract!  When you see a negative though creeping your way, distract!  (Once the thought is through the gateway, different measures are needed, and I'm not going to get into that here.)

Charlotte Mason wrote about the power of thoughts and distracting yourself several times in her books.  Perhaps in every volume, but I haven't checked.  I'm currently in Vol 4 (see last week's post), and here is what seems relevant to me regarding letting in positive instead of negative ideas.

We choose between Ideas.––It is well, however, to know what it is that we choose between. Things are only signs which represent ideas. Several times a day we shall find two ideas presented to our minds; and we must make our choice upon right and reasonable grounds. The things themselves which stand for the ideas may not seem to matter much; but the choice matters. Every such exercise makes personality the stronger; while it grows the weaker for every choice we shirk. Vol 4, Bk 2, pg 146

Will, the Instrument by which we appropriate Ideas.––But there are persons who never entertain the idea that presents itself, and who, therefore, form neither intention, purpose, nor resolution upon it––the persons who do not use their Will. And there are persons who deliberately will and choose to entertain harmful and injurious ideas; the thoughts of whose hearts are only evil continually, whose purposes, resolutions, are ever towards evil ends.   p. 165

The Postern to be Guarded.––The place to keep watch at, is, not the way of our particular sin, but that very narrow way, that little portal, where ideas present themselves for examination. Our falls are invariably due to the sudden presentation of ideas opposed to those which judgment and conscience, the porters at the gate, have already accepted.  p.166

And most obviously, here is Vol 4's best quote about changing your thoughts:

We do not struggle against, or argue down, or say bad things against the trespasser. By a conscious act of will, we simply and instantly think of something else––not something good and lofty, but something interesting, even something diverting; what we shall do on our next holiday, a story we are reading, a friend we mean to see, even a fly walking across the ceiling, is enough to think about; because any other occupation of the mind keeps out the insidious idea we would repel, and it has no power over us until it has been willingly admitted. p.168

She's not the only one, though.  Even Willie Nelson gets it. :)

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
-Willie Nelson

When the negative thoughts come - and they will; they come to all of us - it's not enough to just not dwell on it... You've got to replace it with a positive thought.
-Joel Osteen

-----

Do keep in mind, though, that looking for the positive side of something, or distracting yourself from something negative coming into your head, isn't the same as pretending bad things don't happen, or that you can fix the world by ignoring problems.  I think some people may not know the difference...

Many persons swear by positive thinking, and quite a few have been helped by it. Nevertheless, it is not a very effective tool and can be downright harmful in some cases.
-Srikumar Rao

Quotes discovered via http://www.brainyquote.com/

I'll leave you with this, from Vol 4. pg 165:

We know that what we do or say matters less than what we will; for the Will is the man, and it is out of many acts of willing that our character, our personality, comes forth.

Wednesday with Words: Doe the Nexte Thynge

I have been reading Elisabeth Elliott's book, The Shaping of a Christian Family, How My Parents Nurtured My Faith.   It is a good biographical sketch, full of inspiring stories and practical child-rearing tips.  As I near the end of this book, which has been my Sunday reading for a few months, I came across a full quote which I had seen parts of elsewhere.  I love the whole thing!  Its anonymous, but is located on pages 212-213 in this book.

From an old English parsonage down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the hours the quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration: "DOE THE NEXTE THYNGE."

Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, guidance, are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, doe the next thynge.

Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe 'neath His wing,
Leave all resultings, doe the nexte thing.

Looking to Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering, be thy demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be they psalm.
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
Then, as He beckons thee, doe the nexte thing.

Wednesday with Words: Working the Plan

I have been very delinquent in postings lately!  Life routines changed and that always throws me off from my personal goals.  In order to reset myself and continue to move forward, I decided I needed help.  Mystie Winckler has some organizational courses (see ad in sidebar!) but I had not tried any of them until recently, beyond the freebies (like the Brain Dump).  When the Work the Plan came out, I decided that now was the time to invest in myself.

Some of my free time for the past 6 weeks or so has been spent going through this course, and I want to share some great words - all credit for them goes to Mystie!  So, my new motto is (as written in my Bullet Journal):

and a quote that struck me:

If your life feels out of control or you just need a kick in the pants to reboot, check out her courses!  (Work the Plan is undergoing some changes and will be re-released at a later time, but the others are available now.)

Stepping Heavenward, Again

Last week I shared my favorite quotes from Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss, but only got to chapter 4 before it got long so am continuing on.  I have been busily copying down more of my Kindle highlights into my commonplace book, as you can see here.

This book not only fills my commonplace, but it fills my mind with good thoughts and feeds my soul.  Sometimes, you find the right book at the right time.

From chapter 4, Katy's pastor speaking:

"You have tried living for yourself a good many years, and the result is great weariness and heaviness of soul.  Try now to live for others."

From chapter 5, a nice bit on habits that Charlotte Mason might have loved:

How much work, badly done, I am now having to undo!  If I had begun in earnest to serve God when I was as young as these children are, how many wrong habits I should have avoided, habits that entangle me now as in so many nets.

And these next two quotes seems to capture the entire premise of the book:

The truth is, the journey heavenward is all uphill.  I have to force myself to keep on. 

I see that if I would be happy in God, I must give Him all.  And there is a wicked reluctance to do that.  I want Him but I want to have my own way, too.  I want to walk humbly and softly before Him, and I want to go where I shall be admired and applauded.  To whom shall I yield?  To God?  Or to myself?

Wow - Doesn't that just boil down our every day struggles?  Chapters 5 and 6 were full of such great passages.  I think I could have copied the chapter 6 in its entirety - it is well worth reading more than once!

Remember that it is His will that you should be sanctified and that the work of making you holy is His, not yours.  At the same time, you are not to sit with folded hands, waiting for this blessing.  You are to avoid laying hinderances in His way, and you are to exercise faith in Him as just as able and just as willing to give you sanctification as He was to give you redemption.

She writes again of Bible study, and this time adds her thoughts on other devotional reading.  I admit that just doing Bible study itself is the extent of my efforts, so I am considering which devotional authors I should try.  I can't read my favorites until I *have* some favorites, after all.

   In reading the Bible I advise you to choose detached passages, or even one verse a day, rather than whole chapters.  Study ever word; ponder and pray over it till you have got from it all the truth it contains.
   As to the other devotional reading, it is better to settle down on a few favorite authors and read their works over and over and over until you have digested their thoughts and made them your own.

Who are your favorite devotional authors?  Have you tried doing Bible study in that way?

This post is linked to A Mother's Feast @ Stronghaven, Keeping Company @ Joyous Lesson, and Wednesdays with Words @ Ladydusk.

Resistant Learners and the CM Method - does it work?

I have written another guest post this month for the 31 Days of Charlotte Mason series!  Check out Resistant Learners and leave a comment!  Thanks for stopping by :)

31 Days of Charlotte Mason @Afterthoughts

My post today was a guest post on only children over at Afterthoughts for the 31 Days of Charlotte Mason series.  Join us over there!

Education is a Discipline

This is linked to the Charlotte Mason Blog Carnival.

Education is a discipline.  As I described in my last post, Education is an Atmosphere, this concept of Charlotte Mason's is simple, profound, and difficult to achieve.  You can read what she says about it here, in Original Homeschooling Series, Vol. 6, Chapter 6, point 2. 

On the one hand, its simple - teach them discipline and they will learn naturally and gladly!

We need not labour to get children to learn their lessons; that, if we would believe it, is a matter which nature takes care of. Let the lessons be of the right sort and children will learn them with delight.   -Charlotte Mason

Provide right and interesting materials, then learning will happen.  But how?

[The children] must read the given pages and tell what they have read, they must perform, that is, what we may call the act of knowing. We are all aware, alas, what a monstrous quantity of printed matter has gone into the dustbin of our memories, because we have failed to perform that quite natural and spontaneous 'act of knowing,' as easy to a child as breathing and, if we would believe it, comparatively easy to ourselves. 

Okay, that doesn't sound difficult.  It is narration, the cornerstone of the CM method of education.

We currently have 6 weeks left of our second year, and narration is becoming easier for him.  I'm still reading all our school books aloud to him, so narration shows me what he knows (and that he was listening!).  Some days, he does great with the amount of detail, and telling things in order.  Other days, he still tells me the last bit he heard, and I will go back and begin my own narration and let him pick up where I trail off, if he can.  (I'm still in need of some discipline myself in this area, so that I don't ask leading questions, but let him just tell me what he knows.)  He will continue to improve as he practices narrating, because he knows he has to do it.  Every. time.  We don't ever read a school book with a telling back - that is discipline.  Sometimes he doesn't want to tell me, and sometimes I just don't have the patience to listen.  But we do it and we are starting to see fruit! 

It follows that lines of habit must be laid down towards given ends and after careful survey, or the joltings and delays of life become insupportable. More, habit is inevitable. If we fail to ease life by laying down habits of right thinking and right acting, habits of wrong thinking and wrong acting fix themselves of their own accord. We avoid decision and indecision brings its own delays, "and days are lost lamenting o'er lost days." Almost every child is brought up by his parents in certain habits of decency and order without which he would be a social outcast. Think from another point of view how the labour of life would be increased if every act of the bath, toilet, table, every lifting of the fork and use of spoon were a matter of consideration and required an effort of decision! No; habit is like fire, a bad master but an indispensable servant; and probably one reason for the nervous scrupulosity, hesitation, indecision of our day, is that life was not duly eased for us in the first place by those whose business it was to lay down lines of habit upon which our behaviour might run easily.    -Charlotte Mason

On the other hand, it is difficult  -we must decide for ourselves, and for our children, what habits we want to instill.  Once we decide that we will insist upon, for example, table manners, we must be consistent about demonstrating and teaching those particular manners.  Many of these types of habits we simply continue from our own childhood, but there will be others that you want to add, stop, or modify and these will require active thought and participation...discipline, if you will. ;)

This can't happen overnight.  Instilling discipline within our families is a lifetime goal.  Start with one new habit (it is easier to replace habits with new ones than to stop a particular habit) and work on that until its second nature - this takes about one month.  So don't aim for perfect table manners in one month - break it down.  Say this month your goal is for everyone to use a napkin instead of clothing for wiping hands and face.  Next month, your goal could be to chew with your mouth shut.  And so on.  Don't make it impossible to achieve, or you'll give up before the second meal is over.

'Sow an act,' we are told, 'reap a habit.' 'Sow a habit, reap a character.' But we must go a step further back, we must sow the idea or notion which makes the act worth while. 

I love the quote about sowing and reaping. However, I think she is right that we need to go another step, in providing the ideas to make the act worthwhile.   Children are always asking "why this" and "why that".  If we can show, tell, or read the "why" in a way that impacts their minds, they might attempt the habit even without our guidance (ha!)...okay maybe not, but at least they will know what we are after.  We must provide the best ideas for our children and ourselves, not just good ones!

And now for the full weight of parental responsibility...

We have seen the value of habit in mind and morals, religion and physical development. It is as we have seen disastrous when child or man learns to think in a groove, and shivers like an unaccustomed bather on the steps of a new notion. This danger is perhaps averted by giving children as their daily diet the wise thoughts of great minds, and of many great minds; so that they may gradually and unconsciously get the courage of their opinions. If we fail in this duty, so soon as the young people get their 'liberty' they will run after the first fad that presents itself; try it for a while and then take up another to be discarded in its turn, and remain uncertain and ill-guided for the rest of their days.

 I don't want to fail in this duty.  I don't want my son running after fads, uncertain of his purpose, or ill-guided.  I see plenty of those people around me already - this world doesn't need more close-minded people, who are afraid of anything that doesn't fit in their defined grooves of habit.  We need youth who leave home firm in their beliefs and with well-formed opinions, who can listen without fear to the opinions of others, and love them where they are, regardless of whether they agree with them or not.

Parents & Children

What is the duty of a parent?  Wow, where to even start with this topic!  Some good recommended reading would be Charlotte Mason's second volume of Home Education, available free online.  Now, I have not read the whole thing yet myself, but having just returned from our state homeschooling conference, I can talk a bit about what I learned there.

One of the conference speaker's was Israel Wayne, author of Homeschooling with a Biblical Worldview, which I purchased, and Full-time Parenting.  He firmly believes that it is our duty as parents to educate our children.  There are multiple verses supporting his belief, and non which support institutionalized learning, even through a church.  I don't take quite as firm a line on this, because the Bible does not anywhere prohibit institutionalized schooling, but I do believe that letting someone else take on the bulk of your child's education is a mistake, because their moral development should be part of every moment of their day, not just before and after the school day.  This is why I began our homeschooling journey a year ago, and you can see my take on it at Why I Home School, as well as our goals.

Source

Over at Simply Charlotte Mason, there is a series about "weed-pulling" which speaks about how it takes constant vigilance to keep our garden (children) weeded (free of bad habits).  This is one of the hardest duties a parent has, in my opinion.  Its constant, tiring, exasperating work and the pay-off is often not seen for at least a month, sometimes years!  To be a consistent parent is the most important part of "discipling" and disciplining your child.  In CM's own words, "It is hardly too much to say that most of the failures in life or character made by man or woman are due to the happy-go-lucky philosophy of the parents." Vol 2, pg 87.  We must get this right!

At the conference, this was underscored and emphasized in various ways by multiple speakers.  It is our duty to raise up Godly warriors, to defend the faith and honor our Lord (Rick Green of Wall Builders, paraphrased).  It is our duty to live by example, which is, in fact, the most difficult thing of all (Malia Russell of Homemaking 911).

How do we become everything that God wants us to be as parents?  It doesn't come naturally to us, and is made more difficult if the children aren't with you much of the time.  You can say, "Well, they will surely learn this in class at some point, so why try to deal with it now?" instead of realizing that its an issue now and if not dealt with, that weed will continue to grow and take deeper roots in your child.

Israel Wayne said something that has stuck with me, about how homeschooling is the perfect pressure cooker, with all the ingredients necessary to burn away our self and mold us into the image of God.  Think about that.  Only under heavy pressure and the right temperature can a rock become a diamond.  Only with the heavy pressure and responsibility of preparing our children for a future of serving God can our own issues (impatience, selfishness, laziness) be brought to the forefront of our minds.  We see our own flaws glaring back at us in our children and are forced to stop and say "Whoa!  Is that really what I look like to them?".  Once this is revealed (and trust me, it doesn't take long if you are homeschooling or trying to habit-train more than one child), you have two choices.  Pretend you are fine and have it under control, and tell your children to do as you say, not as you do.  Or beg God for forgiveness, mercy, and lots of help so you can change and be the person they can follow and trust.  Which will you choose?

Source

So what are a parents duties?

• to love and care for
• to provide for physical and emotional needs
• to disciple and pass on our own beliefs
• to prepare them to live on their own
• to educate 

We need to ask ourselves what the purpose of education is for a child, and for ourselves.  Without a goal, and without knowing what your own worldview is, you risk missing the mark completely.

Know what you know and why you know it, and purposefully pass that on to your children.

This post is linked to the Charlotte Mason Blog Carnival, hosted this week by Piney Woods.